The two words [Part 1]
You sit and stare at the screen of your phone, waiting for a light or a tone. You scroll up & down your contacts and messages to wait for an appearance of a message. Suddenly your whatsapp tone goes off, you grab your phone while your heart beats uncontrollably. And there it is.. The two words: "I'm sorry". What a feeling of relief those words carry.
Who of you found yourself in this same situation numerous times? I'm sure all of us.
Being angry or emotional isn't the problem, it's our actions. You might not be able to control what you're feeling BUT you are in control of what you do. Because you have to think about something before you can just do or say it.
I would've given you steps on how to control your behaviour during arguments, but who listens to other people when they tell them what to do when they're angry? Not me! What I will be writing about though is how you CAN TRY to control the situation you're in before it escalates.
- Express your anger, but only for that particular incident
"Restrict the expression of your anger to the expression that provoked it" - Joseph Telushkin. This is something we all fail in. It's not long into the argument and we start to bring up things from years ago. Even if it's something similar, leave the past where it belongs.
- Avoid using the words "ALWAYS" & "NEVER"
Telling someone that they "always" or "never" do something only makes them become defensive.
- Anger = real thoughts
People think that what you say when you're angry is what you really think about them. (It might be) but highly unlikely. It's only what you are thinking at that moment.
- You CAN take back words you didn't say, but you CAN'T take back words you did say
It will be hard/highly unlikely for the other person to ever forget what you said to them/about them when you were angry.
- Let go of the pride
We all struggle with this one. We are more likely to sit back and wait for an apology from the other person. But this doesn't always work because you aren't always right.
I hope this was helpful to you. I will upload part 2 in a few days.
Helpful related resources:
- "Words that hurt, words that heal" by Joseph Telushkin
Being angry or emotional isn't the problem, it's our actions. You might not be able to control what you're feeling BUT you are in control of what you do. Because you have to think about something before you can just do or say it.
I would've given you steps on how to control your behaviour during arguments, but who listens to other people when they tell them what to do when they're angry? Not me! What I will be writing about though is how you CAN TRY to control the situation you're in before it escalates.
- Express your anger, but only for that particular incident
"Restrict the expression of your anger to the expression that provoked it" - Joseph Telushkin. This is something we all fail in. It's not long into the argument and we start to bring up things from years ago. Even if it's something similar, leave the past where it belongs.
- Avoid using the words "ALWAYS" & "NEVER"
Telling someone that they "always" or "never" do something only makes them become defensive.
- Anger = real thoughts
People think that what you say when you're angry is what you really think about them. (It might be) but highly unlikely. It's only what you are thinking at that moment.
- You CAN take back words you didn't say, but you CAN'T take back words you did say
It will be hard/highly unlikely for the other person to ever forget what you said to them/about them when you were angry.
- Let go of the pride
We all struggle with this one. We are more likely to sit back and wait for an apology from the other person. But this doesn't always work because you aren't always right.
I hope this was helpful to you. I will upload part 2 in a few days.
Helpful related resources:
- "Words that hurt, words that heal" by Joseph Telushkin
